Songs with Simon: Thank you for taking time out of your busy schedule to talk with us, Miss Polly. How are you handling the demands of parenthood and celebrity?
Miss Polly: Being a mother is demanding seven days a week, especially of a child who is sick sick sick. I didn’t think I could squeeze anything else into my day but now I’m putting daily posts on Facebook and trying to keep up with my Twitter followers. If only there was a Mr Polly who could help out a bit.
SWS: I’m sorry, I wasn’t aware that you were raising your Dolly solo.
MP: Maybe you can consider printing a message to my poor Dolly’s father. Tell Ted that I’ll be coming back to the woods real soon with my picnic basket and a disguise he won’t recognise.
SWS: Sure, uh, I’ll pass that by my editor.
MP: And you tell him that I’ll be talking to a couple of yellow lads in pyjamas who are going to catch him unawares unless he coughs up the alimony payments that he owes!
SWS: Maybe we can talk about Dolly’s illness. I haven’t met many dolls that require medical assistance before. Have you discovered how your Dolly contracted her disease?
MP: The doctor I called has been big on bill bill bills and slow on pill pill pill delivery. He thinks that I can afford the prescriptions he writes! I’ve been hitting up my fans for some donations so I can afford medication for Dolly but so far they treat it like one big story.
SWS: Sounds like you’ve been having a rough time from a number of angles.
MP: It hasn’t all been bad. I got a call the other day from a guy who wants to write my story. Says he wants to tell the public about the Miss Polly behind the song. Part of a series he’s doing on successful single mothers.
SWS: You could use the proceeds of the book to pay for pills?
MP: Actually, I dropped the phone in the video so I’ve been eyeing off the latest androids.